Today is an anniversary that finds me light years away from where I was. I woke up with such a great feeling of happiness and accomplishment. A year ago today, I was gutted and my spirit was empty and broken. I had reached a point of emotional and spiritual crisis. My on and off again and again and again relationship of so many years finally was dead and I could no longer ignore the writing on the wall. We were not meant to be – a nice friendship that never should have been a relationship because that side was rife with complexity and disappointment. I had poured all I had into this other person for almost 9 years and it still didn’t have an impact. He was still fighting his alcoholism and obviously didn’t have any respect or love for me or for himself really. I didn’t even recognize who I had become, but had no choice but to dive in and start dealing with me and how I got so far away from what I deserved and desired.
I remember reading a passage in an astrology book where it said that I would have two pivotal relationships in my life that would bring about great lessons and great happiness, not necessarily from the same person. I can see that now after I worked so hard for so long to try to make that come from my last relationship, he was a karmic lesson as he was unable to receive and cherish the Love I had to offer and return it in kind. I see now how I fought and compromised myself for someone and something that was an illusion and would never become what I wished, no matter how much work I put into it because he was not to be my happiness. I was in a prison where I was not free to be who I needed to be. I still struggle with regret that it took so long for me to let my ego go and be done, but I also see had I not experienced exactly what I did, I wouldn’t be where I am today and have received the great lessons that propel me forward today. These lessons remind me love isn’t bullshit and that a healthy Love will never take until you are an empty vessel and have lost sight of yourself. Real Love is uplifting. It fills and recharges your spirit. As of today, my last decade is a closed chapter and I can feel peace in my choices. It can be challenging at times not to revisit parts of it and feel hurt and sad, but I realize while it can be healthy to examine these things, I cannot be tethered to any of for too long for it would keep me there, stuck in the past, and there are too many great things that await me in the days ahead. I’m ready universe!